We all have dark days, dark moments in our own history… but some of us feel more comfortable in the darkness than the light.
Sometimes we look to escape the darkness, hide it away, pretend that it’s not really there, under the surface… We say those words over and over, “I’m fine”, until it starts to sound like an alien language that we just don’t understand anymore.
I have struggled my whole life with this darkness that seems to blanket me at times. There are a lot of events in my life that have greatly affected the person I am today, how I think, how I see the world and myself. I’ve briefly talked about my own struggles with depression in an earlier article. There’s no question about the negative effects dark events have on your life, but… there is a positive side, as crazy as it sounds.
Every now and again I torture myself with the thought, “What would I change if I could?” Several years ago I would’ve had a huge long list of moments I would change, but now… well, now I’m not so sure I would change things. I find strength in my darkness. I have come to be thankful that I’ve experienced a certain amount of hardship, so that not only can I see and appreciate the good, but it has shaped me into who I am right now. I have found a strength in knowing that I can survive even the darkest of moments. I have changed from a victim to a survivor.
I am not looking to escape my darkness, I am learning to love myself there. – Rune Lazuli
I bottled everything up, pretended like it wasn’t there until I just… imploded. At some point I realized how ridiculous I was being and I did not want my past to define me anymore, so I accepted my past, my pain and my darkness. I started to dig through the rubble of my life and pick out the things I could use as tools to help me. My open wounds finally started to heal and became battle scars. I will admit that I am not as initially trusting and I question intentions. I am a realist, an objectivist… My scars are a reminder of lessons learned, whether they were done to me by other people or me having done it to myself.
If we stop and think about our lives… we can see that the most significant lessons came from hardships. We strengthen our minds, bodies, faith and our souls with the darkness and sorrows of life. We should take a moment and be thankful for the lessons from the darkness. We don’t have to be glad these things have happened, but appreciate who we have become in spite of them. We need to learn to love our scars, our darkness.
A certain darkness is needed to see the stars. – Osho
Sometimes I sit, quiet, in the darkness… a peaceful reminder of who I am, where I’ve come from and where I’m going.