We all have that moment in our life where we really take a look at ourselves, our lives, our accomplishments and our goals… We reevaluate what we’re doing, how we’re getting there and if that’s really want.
Sometimes when we do that we realize that we’ve gotten so far off the track we thought or we want to be on. So, changes have to be made.
This is part of my experience… Things that I have come to realize about what I really need/want out of life and what I need to do to get there.
I’ve moved around A LOT. Like a lot of others, the past few years have been tough trying to make a living. What made it harder sometimes was getting advice from people who weren’t and haven’t been in the same situation. Starting out adulthood with an economy that’s gone to crap with the advice from those who haven’t dealt with a similar situation was like being sent out into the woods with a lucky ham around my neck. Doesn’t help the situation by me being completely confused and not really knowing who I was. So, several years later… lots of decisions, frustration, heartache, confusion and a sense of feeling utterly lost… I thought:
What the hell am I doing?!
I couldn’t keep living the way I was living. Moving around wasn’t making me feel better. The jobs I was able to snag were, for lack of a better word, shitty. I felt like my soul was slowly dying. I know, melodramatic, but seriously… my soul was slowly dying. We had even gone as far as buying a camper to try to find jobs and find our spot in life. I realized that I was looking for something that I would never be able to get going about it the way I was. I really looked at my life, I thought about what my goals were and came to the conclusion that I was going about it the wrong way. I needed to make a major change.
I really needed to reset and restore my life.
One major thing was I needed to get some space between me and everyone else. I came across an article talking about HSP (Highly Sensitive Person) and it helped me realize that I wasn’t crazy for feeling a desperate need for some breathing room. I needed a chance to think, to not get distracted by things going on around me. I desperately needed some focus. The only way for me to be able to reset was to give up everything. Give up the ideals I had held onto for so long, give up the negativity and drama I had become addicted to, give up any illusions of what I needed to be for society to accept me as one of their own… I needed to let go.
It’s only when we’ve lost everything, that we’re free to do anything. -Chuck Palahniuk
So, we moved out to the middle of nowhere. I mean… literally nowhere. It’s called No Man’s Land for a reason. We decided to renovate an old “burn worthy” shack and make that our home base to reset our lives. Now, I don’t want to romanticize this situation. I’m not saying anyone should follow my lead and move to the middle of nowhere and live in a camper while they renovate an old hired man’s shack. It’s hard. We’ve been here a year and still in the camper, because renovating an old shack that’s been vacant for 15 years is a lot of work for just two people. There are long periods of time that I go without really socializing with other humans… other than my weekly trips to town for groceries, I don’t have much human contact. I seriously get worried sometimes that I’ve lost my ability to socialize. Once we get into the house, my contact with humans will be more like once a month because I’ll have a normal sized fridge that I can fit more than two roasts in at a time. I feel like I’m getting onto a rant and losing my case on resetting my life. So, back on track…
I absolutely feel like this has been worth it. Even though it has been extremely hard at times. I’ve learned A LOT about myself and what I’m working towards. I have been able to focus more on the things that are important for me to be productive and successful. I haven’t quite reached my goals yet, but I feel a lot closer to them by getting out here in the middle of nowhere than I was surrounded by civilization. I’ve been able to breathe… take moments for myself, appreciate the beauty of silence… I can work freely without the fear of some sort of interruption. Besides the one incident where I was sunbathing, as one might if they were 30 miles in the middle of nowhere and their closest neighbor was 3 miles away, and someone shows up looking for my neighbor’s house. Thank God I’ve been working out… That’s another thing, I’ve been able to focus on myself, to really get healthier physically and mentally.
This hasn’t been an easy decision. This past year has been tough, but it has been very eye opening. Being out here alone has helped me gain a sense of myself, a sense of freedom from outside opinion and expectation. I have found value in myself and a different perspective on life.
Sometimes we need to really take a look at our lives and see if we need a change and see if we have the courage to press that reset button on our lives.